So I am over the fact that my daughter once again stood me up.  I actually received a text message later on that day with an apology about lunch and a promise to meet again.  That was sufficient since I expected nothing. 

I did wish her a Happy Easter on Sunday, and I tried not to feel guilty about the fun I was having on that day.  I have to force her out of my mind at times, just so I don’t fall in to a pit of guilt and shame.  Its challenging but I did well on Sunday.  

I am finding though that I am now completely and utterly terrified of my 16-year-old following my daughters path.   They are so similar in nature and my 16-year-old idolized her.   This past week was Spring Break and I had allowed my 16-year-old  to run around with her friends while she was off.   I was told she was off to the movies, the park, to hang out at a friends..all the regular things. 

On Thursday night she asks me if she can go camping with her friend and her friends family.  I said she could “if” I talked with her Mom to confirm details etc.   The night passed and I forgot about my requirement of speaking with her friends Mother.   When I woke the next morning I told my daughter before I left for work that she was not allowed to leave unless I spoke with the other Mother and obtained the details of the trip.  My daughter assured me that she would have her Mom call me or at least get her number.   At noon I received a text from my 16-year-old that she was “on her way” and that she loved me and would see me tomorrow.   I called her and no answer.  I texted her back and told her that she wasn’t allowed to go w/out me speaking with the Mom.  My daughter told me that she would put her Mom on the phone as soon as they arrived, that she was sorry etc etc.  

My daughter texted me when she arrived and crazy enough the Mom was never available, then she claimed her service was bad, and her battery was low.   I was unable to get ahold of her the rest of the day/night.  I was going out of my mind with worry and knew – KNEW-  that she lied to me.   The next morning I called her friend’s phone as a last resort and she answered.  The friend answered and I could hear the television, and normal sounds of her house.  I expected the sound of the Ocean and giggling girls.   Not that I was surprised but my daughter was not with her, this friend was not allowed to go on the camping trip with friends and had to stay home.   

– Camping Trip with Friends – is all I heard!

I sent my daughter a text telling her I knew that she lied and miraculously her phone had service and a full battery.  This time I wouldn’t take her calls.   Instead I sat and cried.    I cried because I felt so betrayed by her.   I cried because I couldn’t believe she would put this kind of worry on me knowing the torment I’ve gone through with her sister, and I cried because this is the same type of thing that my eldest daughter would do when she was her age.   I was scared that it was happening again, that in her 16-year-old “I am invincible” mind she doesn’t seem to see how detrimental this type of behavior is or where it could lead.    

It was just last month that I found a small container in the backyard that smelled like pot.  My 16-year-old admitted that it was her friends who had come over, and that only her friend smoked it.   I didn’t believe her and drug tested her.   I felt awful when the test came back negative because I didn’t believe her.   I explained to her why I tested her and told her I was happy it was negative, but I know she was wounded by my lack of faith.    My 16-year-old was always the last one I would worry about, she was my good little Catholic girl who once dreamed of becoming a Nun.   Teen years, peer pressure, and  puberty suck! 

I’ve heard that I overreact now on every little thing and that I should lighten up, but I can’t.  I have grounded her from her Junior Prom and it kills me to do it, but I feel that it is an appropriate consequence to her actions.  My daughter oddly enough has not argued it and seems very regretful of what happened.  I think it hurts her that she hurt me and for that I am grateful that she cares enough about me to be  remorseful. 

I’ve decided to look up some Al Anon meetings or those NarNon (?) meetings.  I wasn’t a fan the last time I went to an Al Anon meeting because I don’t like hearing people bad mouth their loved ones, but there has to be some groups who will just offer some life skills/tools and experience.  

So I admit it,  I am Ms. Overreact……. but ask me if I care.  

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