Well my daughters recovery lasted just over 3 years.  It was glorious.

Unfortunately, she is back out there.  I have no idea what she is doing.  Drinking, Drugs, Stripping…your guess is as good as mine.   I have not physically seen her since last July and last heard from her in November.

My daughter returned after months and months of being in a bad relationship.  During this relationship I along with other family members would receive phone calls at all times of the day, with her on the other end crying because the boyfriend had kicked her out, hit her, or was cruel.  We started receiving phone calls asking to borrow money, which was very odd considering she was working two jobs.   The insanity of her situation grew bigger than what she was and she eventually stopped attending meetings and I started to hear the old excuses.

It broke my heart, but I never gave up supporting a sober life for her.

Last August she returned, had left the boyfriend for good, admitted that she had relapsed several times, but knew she needed to get back to the basics and 12 steps.   I took her in with a promise and a relinquished cell phone so there would be no interruptions or distractions from the just as unhealthy boyfriend.   After only a month, we discovered that she had another cell phone and had not only been talking to the boyfriend, but was planning an “escape” from our house so they could move to another state and start over.  The text messages were hurtful, speaking as if she was using us until they could be together, how she was playing along so she wouldn’t get kicked out.  Ouch.

I confronted her and asked her to leave straight away, that I wouldn’t support a non-sober way of life, that in order to live in my home, it was meetings and sobriety or nothing.    That night was the last time I saw her.  I had reached out several times to her now returned cell phone but received no response other than angry messages.   I continued to text her and the boyfriend nearly every day, and the only response came from the boyfriend that he didn’t know where she was.

Then just after Thanksgiving, she called.  It was a familiar call with tears and stories of his abuse and that she was once again kicked out and asking for help.   Before I could answer she said that she had to go and would call straight back.  I’ve not heard since.  The boyfriend wouldn’t respond to my texts until just recently where he told me to stop bothering him, that him and my daughter ended things and he has a new girlfriend.  To stop texting him and leave him alone.

I don’t believe him.

I also have no other way to find her.

I am not at the point of filing a missing persons report, but the Sheriff told me that if she doesn’t want to be found, they can’t update me if they find her.

I sit back now and think..  “Am I really going through this again?  Am I really back to wondering if she is dead or alive?  Am I once again wondering if I will bury my daughter? Am I really lying to friends, family and her little sister about where she is and what she is doing?”

 

I am, and it breaks my heart.

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