I was able to spend an hour with my daughter today. I went with my husband, 3 daughters, Sister, and 2 Nieces. It was a GREAT visit.
My daughter is in good spirits..she was very excited about being clean and about her future. There were many times that she became emotional telling us how she remembered times when she would pray to God as she was preparing her next fix to make it stop, that she didn’t want to live like that anymore and wanted to stop. My daughter has a long way to go, that was clear, but I’ve never seen her so determined before.
The hour flew by and it was difficult to leave. My daughter was in tears as we drove off, but she stayed put, side by side with her counselor. I am so proud of her right now.
On Thursday I will spend an afternoon with her. I will take her to court for an appearance and I am hoping they won’t keep her. The public defender doesn’t seem to think this is an issue. I am praying to God it all works out.
I have to be honest. I feel like I “need” Al-Anon now. This is a crazy revelation for me since it was not something I felt was going to help me at first. I just didn’t “get it” I guess. I am so scared now that I may say or do something that will derail her and her recovery. I don’t want to be one of her “triggers” that makes her bolt back to her old life. I am actually worried now about what I say, do and how I act. I need to learn skills for myself now and I think Al-Anon will help me with that.
I remember when I started this blog (not long ago)…it was after 2 years of watching my daughter spiral out of control and feeling like I didn’t have anyone to talk to, who truly understood what I was dealing with. I wished that one day I would be one of the Moms/Dads sharing a story of rehab and sobriety, and here I sit sharing exactly that. I am not blind to the possibility of her going back, relapsing, walking away, going back…but I am hopeful that she will continue this journey and regain her life. It is possible for her and I hope and pray for that every day.
One day at a time right? Well that sounds just about right to me, either way…we are both headed in the right direction.